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Same As It Ever Was: Manny Pacquiao Easily Defeats Adrien Br

edit:casino time:2019-01-23

One of the only assurances in this life is that there are none. Plan all you want but the universe gets its kicks reminding you who’s actually in charge. If the weatherman says 80 and sunny prepare to be scraping ice off the windshield of your Ford Fiesta. If your friend says to meet him at his dead wife’s grave at 6pm plan for a phone call from Six Flags around midnight asking where you are. Death, taxes and the cosmos making a fucking asshole out of you.

Sometimes, though, things go exactly how you thought they would.

And isn’t it funny how it almost always involves Adrien Broner in a boxing ring.

In our preview of this fight I predicted an easy 117-111 decision for Manny Pacquiao (61-7-2, 39 KO). I based that on Pacquiao’s higher work rate and the fact that Broner kinda sorta sucks. I even offered to fellate everyone on my twitter timeline should Broner happen to stop Pacquiao, so sure was I of the impossibility of that outcome.

But holy shit, not even I could’ve predicted the pathetic effort Adrien Broner (33-4-1, 24 KO) put forward in what was, by his own admission, the biggest fight of his career at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nev. on Showtime Pay Per View. In a winnable fight against an aging legend, one that would make or break his career not to mention his almost certainly near-depleted bank account, Broner threw 295 punches and landed 50 of them.

I’m gonna type that last part again just in case you thought it was a typo. He landed 50 punches. Fifty. Five zero. Fucking cincuenta.

Let’s put that into perspective. 259 punches thrown over 12 rounds comes out to about 24.5 per round or just a shade over seven per minute. That means that if you threw a punch right now and then threw one again at the end of this sentence you’d be on pace for a higher output than Broner in this fight and something tells me you didn’t pistol whip a promoter into giving you five million dollars to do it.

And that connect rate? Under 20 percent. I realize most of you didn’t graduate high school but 50 landed punches over 12 rounds comes out to just a hair over four per round. Again, let’s put that in perspective. Throw a punch right now and then shoot your neighbor with a silencer-equipped sniper rifle. When you hear his wife scream as she discovers his body throw another punch. Congratulations, you have a higher punch output  than professional boxer Adrien Broner.


Sorry, I just had to see it again to make sure this wasn’t some sort of collective lucid dream or a shared delusion we were experiencing.

The fight itself was…..fine. It was just good enough not to be bad but not good enough to be on pay per view. That it was even watchable at all was solely to Pacquiao’s credit. In his storied career he’s shown a propensity to make hay out of just about any pile of dung and good grief did he ever have one in front of him last Saturday at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.


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